I lied to the man, right to his face. Then again, a true answer would have been along the lines of “you don’t care, so I’m not telling.” But no, I’m polite, I didn’t answer him that way.

I had just emptied my cart at the local store and was waiting to put it in the cart corral across the way. He was driving along preparing to get into a parking spot — he wasn’t inclined to give me the moment to cross the aisle though it would have been the gentlemanly thing to do, especially since I was already a step or two into the space. I pulled back, because today’s not the day to get hit by a car, at any speed. He parked between the corral and the landscaped curb, thereby protecting his car, clearly worth protecting. Then he opened his door & stepped out, right in the path of the corral, causing me to pull back once again (because today’s not the day for hitting anyone else, either).

Then he asked, or rather greeted, “How are you today?”

Buddy — you don’t want to know — but I simply gave him my standard go-to answer. “So far so good, and yourself?” Immediately my inner self spoke up with “you just lied to him.” A more suitable answer came to mind, which I doubt he would have actually heard or processed.

Perhaps I should mention, for those who don’t know, that if I call you friend, I care much about you. When my friend gets a punch in the gut, I stop breathing – it’s the way of empaths. The following events occurred this week in the lives of those I care about…

• an in-home scandal that will include divorce, prison, a girl’s self-talk and sense of innocence, and a boy’s sense of family security
• the suicide of a child, pre-teen (not my child, but for several reasons, quite a gut-punch)
• a lightning-induced apartment fire and the accompanying water (and firefighter) damage
• personal medical issues that portend of…well…let’s just go with personal medical issues, shall we?
• noticeable cognitive decline in a dear friend
• a dilemma generated by current perspectives on body dysphoria and how to respond vs the intended once-in-a-lifetime event we call “wedding”
• unique medical issues of another dear friend, with surgery being a possible, even probable, next step
• a mysterious car issue that, after three trips to two shops last week, is still/again present and now more noticeable
• and today, a condolence text from my cousin regarding my now deceased aunt, when I didn’t even know she was ailing

As you see, “Fine, thank you.” is not the truthful answer when someone asks about my current status. Fortunately, I committed to not using that answer several years ago, mostly on the basis of knowing I was lying to people. Polite me, caring me, doesn’t want to add to the burdens of others. Private me doesn’t want to share my heart with every shiny-shoed well-suited Audi-driver (not that I had time to go into the whole story with him anyway). Honest me is trying to find polite ways to tell the truth and manage privacy.

So, when my phone rang and my dad asked, “How are you?” I answered truthfully – “Coping, by the grace of Christ.” Then, Dad & I went on with the rest of our conversation, held in part while I was scribbling notes to another friend and trying desperately not to say any of the words that are taboo this evening. Multitasking is another of my characteristics.

It’s been quite a week, and though I’m not personally enduring the challenges my friends are, my heart has been carved into little pieces so that each may have a part. No, I’m not fine, and at that precise moment, I wasn’t so-far-so-good. I was hanging on by an anxious thread, a little too much adrenaline, and not enough nutrition for the day, not to mention irritation with the driver in question. But strangers generally don’t intend or expect to get more than a polite “Fine, thank you.” Therefore, I can rest in the thought that I was more honest than not, and even more honest the next time I was asked.

“Coping, by God’s grace” is a polite answer that tells the truth and manages privacy. I may start using it more often.

What are your go-to answers, when “Fine” just isn’t the truth?