It was a few months before my graduation, a little over a year ago now.  I had just finished another one of those Mother-Daughter conversations that daughters can recite with astounding accuracy  – it’s practically scripted.  Truth be told, it has been for generations, but some mothers & daughters get an early escape from it.  We didn’t.

“If you were married, I wouldn’t worry so much.”

It’s not like I haven’t tried – ask any of my ex boyfriends (I do have a few), or the variety of internet dating services who have been happy to collect my fees from time to time.   After relatively 30 years with no success, you start to get a little jaded about the prospects.  Looks like I’ll be flying solo, might as well learn to land.

And with that, I started the 6 hour drive home…musing over the visit, the conversation, the suitors, the upcoming graduation, the next plans for location, housing, and ministry…and what it would take for my mom to worry a bit less.  Since I’m one of those whose thoughts quickly run on tangents then fold back on each other, I also thought of this milestone and the tradition of marking it with a class ring which is proudly worn for a few years then tucked into a jewelry box with other mementos.  One can think of many things during 6 hours devoted to nothing but lines on blacktop and a GPS.

Here’s the thing – the school I was about to graduate from doesn’t get all the credit for what I know or who I am.  I entered as an adult, with two other colleges and years of corporate experience behind me.  A ring with this school’s logo on it would be frivolous and incomplete  – it wouldn’t fit.  My High School jacket, the one my folks surprised me with one Christmas?  That fits (well, it did several pounds ago).

Back to the whole ‘man in my life’ topic…  There is only One who has ever said He wanted me to live with Him forever, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.  He listened as I, again, expressed myself over this discussion with Mom.  She loves me, I know that, and I love her – if either of these were untrue, we wouldn’t keep having these conversations.  If only there was a way to help her see that I do have someone who loves me for me, who has my best interest at heart, who is a watchful and powerful protector, who has provided my every need and will never stop doing so, who has what it takes to guide gently or firmly as needed, who is faithful to the end and beyond, who I can talk to when no one else has the time, energy, or inclination to listen, and who speaks love in the sweetest ways.   To borrow from Tricia Lott Williford, I am already betrothed.  (I love that woman, and we haven’t even met yet!)

In a wedding, there are more than a couple of commitments made.  This is, in part, why the man should go to the father and ask for the daughter’s hand – because the preacher is going to ask “Who gives this woman to this man”, and the father has to be ready to respond  with “Her mother and I do”.  It’s the first ‘I do’ of the ceremony, and the last moment that she is expected to be her father’s responsibility.  My father, so far, has been off the hook for the whole ‘giving away’ thing, but from mom’s perspective, that leaves them in a position of responsibility  – there has been no release, no dividing line between before and after, no ceremony to mark this rite of passage.

Rite of Passage……like a graduation….in a couple of months…  Y’know, if I were to mark this milestone with a ring, it wouldn’t have a school name on it, but what would it look like?  A simple band, with a single word, and if someone would be willing to present it in such a way that drew appropriate parallels…  My folks have done their best, and after 40+ years of feeling the responsibility, it’s past time to mark a release, to hand me off to the One who laid claim to me long ago and has seen fit to preserve me to Himself.

For several more miles, my Provider and I mulled over words, and one kept floating to the top – a word with multiple meanings (my favorite kind!).  ‘Engage’.  Of course it means to commit, that’s why those prized sparkly rings are called ‘engagement rings’.  It also means:

• –to fit into a place prepared
• –to commence operation
• –to be operational
• –to open dialogue  or conflict
• –to secure for employment or use
• –to occupy attention and/or efforts
• –to attract or please

Is there anyone who has seen Star Trek, the Next Generation without seeing Captain Jean Luc Picard wave his hand with the simple command ‘Engage!’.  Go, commence, begin, fit, be operational…the plan is laid, all systems go, now get on with it.  Yes, if I were to mark this graduation with a ring, that’s the word that would be on it.

It was barely a day or two later that I was sitting with my friend and telling her excitedly about this ring.  Before I could even mention that I don’t know how to go about getting custom rings designed, she jumped in with “Deaf can make that for you”.  Wha-huh?  Oh….still brings tears to my eyes as it did that day.  Such a ring, fashioned by a member of the deaf community, the very people I am engaged with.  She went on to explain that the man in Columbus, Ohio (my home town and first deaf community) is a jeweler and designed & made the rings for each of her children and their spouses.  There was a soft click like pins in a lock… my ring…

She contacted this man, and the dialog began on color, size, style, etc.  A few weeks before graduation, she and I went out to lunch, and she told me the estimated cost.  Well, it was a nice dream, but the cost, while more than fair, suddenly seemed a frivolous and vain expense.  I started to decline, when she bade me wait.  My church, the deaf church in this area, wanted to give me a graduation gift – I had my choice of a gift card, the ring, or a party.  I thought only a moment of pragmatics, and quickly went back to the conversations a few months earlier.  The ring, I would definitely choose the ring, thank you.

And so, on my graduation day, the people of my church, the deaf friends who had opened their hearts, arms, and community to me, presented me with the ring I’ve been wearing on my left hand for a bit over a year.  It is, without a doubt, a gift from my Beloved, provided by our family, with ties to both of my deaf communities.

I took a long trip after graduation, and my last stop was to visit my Uncle in Oklahoma. Once I told him the whole story, he simply said “wow, yours truly is an engagement ring”. Yes, yes it is.