Years ago I chose to walk through the Love Dare book, taking on the challenge to actively express God’s love to another person, when it wasn’t convenient, fun, or particularly rewarding. It was an opportunity for God to show off His sustaining, encouraging, and even disciplining grace.

Day 1 is an avoidance dare, and I nearly slipped once but was caught in the split second, just in time to reframe my words, keeping them honest yet positive.

Day 2 was a perfectionist’s nightmare! It took 2 weeks of mulling and watching and being a bit stubborn about not asking for help (other than from God), but an opportunity presented itself, and by golly I took it!! In the process, God and I had a lovely moment. He had answered my request for something to follow through on this plan.

Day 3 was apparently abandoned, given the lack of a post.

It turns out, the Love Dare might need to be tweaked a little if one is to apply the principles in a situation that isn’t marriage, or at least roommates.  The word ‘duh’ comes to mind, but the principles are still good ones, many applicable to most relationships.  I’m still convinced that I was supposed to at least start the adventure.  Day 2 was worth it.

No apologies, not surprising. Herein lies the key to forgiveness – releasing the matter, and yourself, whether or not the other person(s) ever gain an understanding or respect for your vantage point and the injury they have caused.  Why rehearse painful memories that the other person(s) doesn’t consider, or may not even be aware of?  It has been compared to holding a burning coal in your hand, hoping the other person finds the heat painful.

There is wisdom in boundaries.  You don’t have to continue subjecting yourself to the person(s) and/or situation(s) that bring injury.  While you may be locked into a tense situation for a time, you do not have to be controlled by it.  Do what is required, then go your way in peace, relying on your relationship with God to give the affirmation and confidence you need.  The command to forgive doesn’t carry with it the necessity to invite the person to tea.

“But, we’re married…”  Hmm…yes, this does up the ante significantly, and thankfully isn’t part of my story.  Still, as a married person, some portion of your time can be spent on your own pursuits, of God, literature, crafting, the outdoors, or developing supportive relationships beyond the limits of your household (preferably with the same gender, or with couples). The Love Dare, being written for marriages, would more aptly apply to your case than mine.

Not all criticism is accurate, possibly the key takeaway from that time period. The episode highlighted several things and was a source of ministry to others. Admittedly, the vindication after-the-fact was also nice. As with any other challenge, I grew stronger, wiser, and closer to God.  That made it worth it.