For background, see the article “Sim Games, a Metaphor for Life“.  It gives a perspective of medical fatigue, a common symptom of several different ailments.

There are folks who will go to the doctor for every headache and hangnail – and then there are the opposite types, like myself, who won’t go until there’s no strength left to argue the point.  I know my diagnosis, and chronic fatigue is part of the package. I’m aware of real limits and the signals that indicate impending danger.  As long as I settle down and focus on recharging my energy levels, my situation can be managed without copays and lectures.

Yet, when those warnings do start, the people around me see a strange difference that concerns them more than I intend.  Here’s what we must not do when a loved one with medical fatigue calls a halt to otherwise normal activities:

1)  Don’t hover.  For some of us, expending energy to convince you we really do expect to keep breathing is counter-productive. But we love you, so we’ll spend the energy to help you not worry.

2)  Don’t nag.  This is fairly close to hovering, but with a twist.  We generally know about our body systems, medicinal and nutritional needs, and how we’ve recently overdone it.  Coping with a lecture on rest or nutrition takes more energy than we have, and we burn twice the energy if we have to explain any of this, again.

3) Don’t push.  Just because we had more energy an hour ago, or yesterday, or last week to accomplish something doesn’t mean we can “dig down” and find the energy for one more little task.  Here’s a good spot to refer back to the Sim Games article – when it’s gone, it’s gone…if there was a second wind, we spent it on that task we doubled down on last time.

4) Don’t drill.  Answering a dozen questions and/or explaining why our unique situation is different than your cousin Fred’s experience burns too much of that precious energy.  (note that I used the word unique on purpose – we are individuals, and our bodies don’t take their cues from your cousin Fred, or anyone else)

Now for the good news – there are some things you can do that would be very helpful, supportive, and even healing while we restock our energy reserves.  Read on…

1) Pay attention.  If we bother to tell you that we’re concerned, we’re inviting you to keep an eye and ear out for trouble.  Slurring words, wobbly steps, and the sudden need to take a nap on the desk or floor should cause you to raise an eyebrow and offer to dial a phone.   (just offer – if we can respond rationally, it may not be time to dial yet)

2) Pick a project.  Really worn out people lose more energy points when they look at piles of laundry & dishes or empty closets & cupboards. Try one of these: “Could I fix you dinner?” “Mind if I throw in a load of jeans?” or “Here are a few things for the ‘fridge.” Even an offer to sort through the mail and take out the trash can be huge.

3) Pretend, just a little.  This is how you cope with the first list. Go on about normal business while sharing a little of your energy and focus.

In most cases, and with a little help, fatigue doesn’t last forever – it just feels like it sometimes.