Relax, guys, it’s not a full-disclosure expose, honest. It’s just that, occasionally, I think of each of you, and to differing degrees and for various reasons, I give thanks.

Mr. ‘First Love’ married someone else and had multiple children – now the family is in turmoil because of characteristics I was once too starstruck to see, but have since become familiar with. Many apparently confident people are working hard to keep their closet doors closed, ever fearful of the skeletons that may jump out & attack at any moment. Such people are distracted and fear that they cannot afford to be genuine. I’d rather have someone who throws his closet doors wide open, introduces his skeletons to my skeletons, and we can all dance in freedom.

Mr. ‘Close Call’ had his own issues (yeah, don’t we all). That could have been a real mess, with the control structures in both families and anger management issues in both of us. It would have been ugly. I dated another one with a controlling mentality – let me warn you, ladies, it looks like protection at first…it looks like care and leadership… but do more than scratch below the surface before you give him what he wants, because you may find yourself catering to his wants for a long time to come, and more out of duress than depth of affection.

Mr. ‘Too Good to be True’ is an illustration of God’s amazing attention to our every whisper. I hung up the phone, having been in a pleasant conversation with a fellow…we were in the first steps of the dating dance, and this guy was fairly impressive, so far. I tossed off a simple but sincere “if there’s something I should know, now would be a good time” prayer, and climbed into bed. I had just fallen asleep when the phone rang, 12:30 in the morning, and on the other end I heard the sniffling sobs of a man who was already committed, essentially engaged, to another woman. She & I spoke a few days later, she sounded more like a mom than a girlfriend (make sure you keep the distinction ladies, or it’ll come back to bite you). I don’t want a guy that I take from someone else, because he could as easily be taken from me. Hollywood is replete with examples.

The list of blind dates, well, internet match-ups, could fill chapters… it’s not that I’m such an experienced dater, it’s that these folks, well, if you’ve been there, you know. One was so without a sense of humor that he registered negative on the scale, so badly that it was rather humorous. One didn’t connect with anything I had to say, but tried to convince me he was highly enamored with the unique person that I am….hmmm… I’d rather be understood. A couple made for pleasant conversations with people I would likely never meet & talk to if we’d remained in our normal circles – interesting conversations, those. I’d encourage more pre-screening, and lower expectations – if it’s a fun diversion for a few hours, no harm done, enjoy. Some people really have met their spouses online and couldn’t be more thrilled. I’m one of those who sign up every few years to remind myself why I don’t sign up for online dating.

There’s one that I miss, less frequently now, but again, the starry glasses are broken and I can see both my errors and some of the elements in him that may not have fit me and my life’s path as much as I had convinced myself. It is because of this one that I offer the caution to take things slower than you believe slow to be. We get tired, anxious for the decision to be made, but that gets us a free ticket to broken hearts or worse disasters. He married someone else, and I have honestly prayed that he and his family are happy. This tells me that if he had been mine, we would have worked through the issues that divided us – he didn’t, so he wasn’t, so I give thanks for not marrying the man who wasn’t absolutely sold on the idea of me being his wife. I’m going to be committed to my man, I want him committed to me.

Finally, there’s the one that got away…quietly disappeared into the mist and has been impossible to find. Again, if he’s mine, he’ll find me, or God will put us in the same place at the same time, and we’ll take it from there. Until then, or until I’m introduced to the right one, I’m thankful that my story doesn’t include the issues I could have been facing.  Rather, it has me being free to minister to those who are dealing with them.